So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
