think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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