Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
