it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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