on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
