Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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