Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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