I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
