I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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