If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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