My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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