I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
