So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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