If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
