Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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