You just made me feel so damn special
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
