I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
