the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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