On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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