i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
