Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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