Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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