No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I touched a dick in church today
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize