I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
