Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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