just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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