he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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