i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
