We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
