this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
