I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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