just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
