You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
