Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
