It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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