I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
