you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
