my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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