So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
