whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
