I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
