I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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