Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
