Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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