We need to rekindle our bromance
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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