Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
