We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We need to get me chipped asap
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
