Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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