ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
