No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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