It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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